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PJ 14CHAPTER 9REC #2 SANANDAMONDAY, APRIL 23, 1990 9:45 A.M. YEAR 3 DAY 250
Sananda present in the Light of Holy God.
Dharma, it is time, chela, to speak of the unholy methods of evil in places where it is all but impossible for man to accept. Perhaps this Journal should be entitled RAPE, PILLAGE, PLUNDER AND OTHER OBSCENITIES. We will write this day on this subject which is the unspeakable for in thy place it is a gentle rain God has sent for renewal and the blossoming of the violet flowers of Man. Honor those violet blooms which are a sign of life and truth unto you ones for they are more than Spring flowers--these particular ones were a sign from God for specific, purpose. So be it.
HONOR AND HUMBLE GRATITUDE TO SISTER CHARLOTTEReaders, as you proceed herein you will be shocked and offended to the bottom of your senses. It is a time of revealing evil into the lighted public and ones have dearly paid the ultimate sacrifice to bring forth truth. The story we shall tell will be in first person as given forth by Sister Charlotte of a Cloistered Order of the Holy Catholic Church. It speaks of the traditional path and treatment of little girl children entering into a cloistered order.
You will desire to believe it is, at the very least, the exceptional treatment and not the norm. Nay, it is the accepted treatment and those convents which do not function in this manner are the exception.
Prior to losing you readers who cannot swallow the truth of it--I suggest you investigate the "OPENED" convents in Mexico. The convents in your country are still kept in total secrecy. The treatment of the little nuns is so heinous as to defy believability--'tis so, dear ones--'tis so.
Some ones have managed to break free and dare to tell their stories. Most never make it into freedom and if they make it beyond the walls, they are sought after and killed. Sister Charlotte has been murdered. Her soul rests in peace for her ultimate gift to truth.
God and Christ have no place within the halls of evil. The Church of Rome is not of God; it is directly of Satan. Ye who will, deny this truth--but truth will "out'", brethren! We shall speak of many subjects regarding the religious paths but this day we will stay with this subject for it is heinous indeed and most difficult for this scribe. We have chosen her to pen these things for she has no knowledge or predisposition to opinion toward the Catholic Church and knows naught of its doctrines or practices.
Who is Sister Charlotte?
Let us first refer to words in the Book of Acts, Chap. 6, vs. 7: "God's message was preached in ever-widening circles, and the number of disciples increased vastly in Jerusalem; and many of the Jewish priests were converted too...."
The history of the conversion of priests is not new, it was there even before the Roman Catholic Institution was established in its present form.
It was there among the Jewish people, a parallel to the present situation of the Roman Catholic Priesthood. As a matter of fact, the Roman Catholic Priesthood, in its present form with nuns, monks and priests as well as bishops, cardinals and popes, is a tremendous mixture of two religions, Catholicism and Judaism. We will see that even the very experience which comes forth from actual experiences of priests, monks and nuns at this present time brings forth more light in guidelines about the tremendous conspiracy which underlays the very existence of the so called Church of Christ unto this very day.
Through the presentations of these religious experiences of the lives of priests and nuns you will be given the greatest blessings of truth beyond comprehension. It is through such testimony, such as Sister Charlotte, a former Roman Catholic Nun, that, even though her experience goes back but a few years of your counting, is accurate in description of conditions which exist in the Roman Catholic Institutions at this present day.
PERVERSION OF GOD'S WRITTEN REVELATIONS
In the Bible, it was already recognized that some of the Jewish priests were perverting God's written revelations with the traditions of men. See Matthew 15: 3-6: ". . And why do your traditions violate the direct commandments of God's " Today, the false priests of Rome are doing the same job under the spirit of the anti-christ.
You will find in this testimony that the doctrines of the Church of Rome never change regardless of her claims. The work of the spirit of the anti-christ preparing his bride, the Mother of Harlots (Revelations 17, 18, 19), is religiously clever indeed.
Christians must become informed and alert to the continuing heresies and blasphemies committed by the Roman Catholic Institution---especially over the past six hundred years, starting with the Emperor Constantine the Great as the first Pope and the actual first founder of the Roman Catholic Institution as you would recognize of it. This may not be speaking historically--but is accurate in prophetic terms.
There was a revolution established against the Church of Christ and God Himself. This enemy of God has risen up against the authority of the only true God and Christ--by whatever name you would append unto them. Dear ones, this will not cease until the destruction of the entity as foretold in the Revelations.
In spite of Rome's attempted new image since the Vatican's projection in 1965, her "real" constitution declares and reflects no subjection to the person of the one they, themselves, call Christ--or unto his teachings. Those who claim that Rome is changing will only find very small changes in the form of presentation. The speakers still project the same lies as before and now it is done facing the people and speaking in their own language. There are no substantial changes or any signs of repentance of the blasphemous activities. This is true of the whole of the institution as well as for her Pope, clergy or laymen.
The only significant changes are taking place in the lives of those Roman Catholic priests and laymen who, under the condition of the Holy Spirit of Truth, are obeying God's call to be born again into the truth of his Laws and those of The Creation as handed forth by the Christos energies sent forth as the messenger of truth.
These, too, are the ones who dare to pronounce truth regarding those things which are perpetrated behind the walls of shrouded secrecy and evil.
Unto the ones who dare to speak truth we dedicate the memory of Sister Charlotte who stood strong in the forefront of truth and was therefore murdered.
You think it cannot be? Oh, dearly beloved ones of the lie, look unto El Salvador and the murdered Jesuit priests--murdered at the hands of the sanctioned troops of the U.S. and the heinous act is continued to be covered up by your own CIA and FBI. I use this example only to present to you the ease of cover-up of any and all things, and the powerful impact of all acts connected to the religious institutions. Terror and control of the masses is the intent. So be it.
I plead with you who read this Journal to go forth and research these presentations and confirm truth in thine own environment and leave this scribe out of your stoning, for she knows not of these things. Come unto me and I shall show of you the way!
These blessed ones who are in deed and fact, the martyrs of the true and blessed Church, are blessed and hallowed as the true Saints of the Body of the Christos. I further hold in reverence and highest honor the men, women and children who have been martyred by the evil Satanic beings who have become the Roman Catholic Institution. I stand before Satan and denounce him for that which he has done unto the body of God. For these things have I come again and so have the Hosts of Heaven and the time is short, my friends, for the day of reckoning is at hand.
I single not out the Roman Catholic Institution--I PRONOUNCE DENOUNCEMENT AND CONFRONTATION UNTO ALL WHO PRONOUNCE THEMSELVES MY BODY--MY CHURCH--AND ACT IN THE MANNER OF EVIL AND WORLDLY DEGRADATION. I SPEAK IN THIS PORTION OF THIS BOOK ABOUT THE CATHOLIC DEBASEMENT FOR I HONOR ONE WHO WAS OF THEIR ENTRAPMENT. Satan has taken over the pulpits of all the churches as established by the doctrines of man.
HE WHO SET HIMSELF UP AS THE LAW OF GOD WILL FALL: GOD HAS GIVEN FORTH THE LAWS AND THOSE OF CREATION AND NO MAN SHALL CHANGE OF THEM AND PASS INTO THE GLORY OF ONENESS WITH CREATOR. SO BE IT AND SELAH!
As the HUman is awakening it must be noted that this forthcoming testimony is more pertinent this day than when Sister Charlotte spoke the words unto all who would listen for she feared not her passage and, as she expected, she was tortured unto a slow and agonizing giving up of spirit. Unfortunately, Satan had already perpetrated all manner of torture unto her frail body physical--there was little left to defile.
I confront you, Satan, for I shall pull your evil out from all the dark recesses and ye shall stand in mine presence and ye shall be smitten and bound. Ye have debased our Father's creations and thine day of judgment is not long in the coming. Heed well mine words, ye who follow after this dark being of evil, for he shall pull you into destruction. I speak as one Sananda, one with and within God, Lord of Lords and Holy of Holies--ye of evil shall not be sustained! The Prince of Darkness shall fall to the Light! So be it for it shall come to pass in the generation present upon your placement. The day of accounting is nigh.
Unto thine presence, Charlotte, I bow any being in humble honor before thine love and giving as unto others who have suffered and worked in my name and truth. Know that I would take it upon mineself were it to be. Blessed be ye ones of my tribes and flocks.
May your words touch the hearts and truth of all ones who partake of this testimony. Your petition has been heard and is herein honored, that your passage would not stop the word of truth from going forth. Your sacrifice shall only serve to spread your words unto the four corners of this troubled planet that your petitions in behalf of the incarcerated brothers and sisters within the prison walls shall bring cause to throw open unto the light of public display that which exists in the places of torture and evil. May you please sit with God as you read. Amen.
SISTER CHARLOTTEDharma, write as is given without changes, please, for it was spoken thusly:
First of all, I would like to tell you that I am not giving this testimony because I hold bitter feelings in my heart toward the Roman Catholic people. I couldn't be a Christian if I still had bitterness in my heart. God has delivered me from all bitterness and strife and delivered me out of all of that, one day, and made himself real and known unto me.
So, as I give this testimony, I am giving it because God delivered me out of the convent and out of bondage and darkness, and I must give this testimony that others might know what cloistered convents are. So, as you listen carefully, I trust that if I leave one thing in your heart it will be that I carry no burden against the Roman Catholic people.
I don't agree with the things done or the things taught, but I covet this role for Christ. I am interested in the souls of the ones in charge of those church places.
Christ went unto Calvary that you and I might know him, and their souls are just as precious as your soul or mine.
Having been born into Roman Catholicism, not knowing anything else or knowing the word of God, because we did not have a Bible in our home, we knew nothing about a wonderful plan of salvation. Naturally, I grew up in that Roman Catholic home and knew only the catechism and only the sheltered teachings of the Roman Catholic Church. And, because I loved the Lord, and because I wanted to do something for him, I wanted to give him my life. I knew of no other way for a Roman Catholic to give him a life other than entering a convent.
Naturally, as a believing Catholic I came under the influence of my Father Confessor, the Roman Catholic priest who had tremendous influence over my life. One day I made up my mind, through his influence among the influence of others of the faith, that I wanted to be a little Sister. At that time I thought that being a Sister meant an open order. I believed that up until the time I took my "white veil" and, until I was 15 1/2 years-of-age, everything was beautiful. I really had no fear for everything which was taught to me was along the lines of that which I was taught in the church prior to entering the convent.
And so one day, after having made up my mind to enter the convent, two of the Sisters came home from school with me. They were my teachers and I realized that my Father was home that afternoon and Father Confessor was in my home, likewise. Remember, I was a little girl and little girls were seen and not heard. In my family, you didn't talk when you were a child and adults were present. You did answer promptly if spoken to.
After a long discussion, my Father asked if I could say something and that was a bit out of the ordinary. I said, "Dad, I want to enter a convent." The priests had already been influencing my Father and my Father broke down and began to cry, not from sadness, but from joy. My Mother came over and took me in her arms and she had tears because of happiness. They felt it wonderful that their little girl was giving her life to the convent to save lost humanity. Naturally my family was very thrilled about it and I was, too. But anyway, I didn't go for about a year after that and I got the call and my Mother prepared things for me and they took me forth and I entered the convent.
There was no place near my Mother and Father's home so I was taken about a thousand miles away from home. So I entered a convent boarding school. I lacked about two months of being thirteen years of age. I look back on it today and realize I was so homesick and so were my parents with their little baby away from home. At that time I had never even spent a night away from my Mother and had never gone any place without my family. That was the first time away from my family and I was very lonely and homesick.
After Mother told me good-by, and I shall never forget, and I knew they were traveling a long distance away from me and I had never realized in my life that I would never see them again. I had never planned to be other than a sister in an open order where I would not give up my family. If you listen carefully to this portion of my testimony you will understand why I say some of the things which I will say.
Now, it is that we sometimes say the priest is the body of Christ, because of the way the services were held. At seven years of age I would come into the church and I would first go to the foot of the crucifix and then to the feet of the Virgin Mary and then I would ask the Virgin Mary that I would make a good confession. I was just a child and the priests always prayed for everyone to make a good confession--to keep nothing back, tell everything and then ask absolution from anything which I might have committed. I would then ask Jesus to have me make a good confession.
During that time at school I was to have gotten a high school education and a college education. Well, I got a high school education but not much college material. I appreciate that opportunity very, very much even though it was rather difficult for me. After they put me through the crucial training that you must go through to become a little novitiate entry into a convent, that training is rather outstanding as far as a nun is concerned and you know what it is all about after you have been in there for a little while.
INSIGHT INTO THE EARLY TIME OF TRAININGI want to tell you just a little bit about how we live, how we sleep when we first enter into the convent so that you can understand a bit more about my testimony.
Of course as I entered the convent as a small child, I went on to school and continued in my training. But the day came when I would enter into another segment and here I will tell you about the "white veil". I didn't know very much about it but I had been told that it would be that I would become the bride of Jesus Christ and there would be a ceremony and I would rejoice in the wedding garment.
On a particular morning, they told me that at nine o'clock they would dress me in the wedding garment. Now let me share from where they get the money for the wedding clothes. A letter goes out to the child's father telling them how much money is required and then the wedding gown and the other things necessary are made by the other nuns. The family was always expected to send forth at least a hundred dollars but it was not realized that the clothes were reused and therefore, most all of the money was retained. None was ever sent back, all was kept at the convent.
The time came for me to walk down that isle and I was dressed in the wedding garment. I wanted to be holy and I wanted to be the bride of Jesus Christ. I recited the Rosary and I got down on my knees and crawled the distance of the separate stations of the cross of Jesus on his way to Calvary. Every Friday morning I crawled them, for I thought it would make me Holy and make me worthy of the task that I was to undertake and that is what I wanted more than anything in the world.
I would like to impress on your hearts; every little girl that enters the convent, that I know anything about, that child has a desire to live for God. That child has a desire to give her heart, mind and soul to God. There are many people who remark that only bad women go into convents; that is not so. There may be many ones who go into convents because they are great sinners but mostly the children are innocent and unknowing and thousands are influenced to enter into the convent to bring forth the money into the church.
The child is just a child when she goes in there and her mind and soul is just as clean as any child could be. I mention this for you hear so many things which are simply not true. Now after the training you become the spouse of Jesus Christ and, realizing the sequence of events, then you can follow me through the rest of the testimony with more understanding.
After the ceremony we are looked upon as parried women. We are considered the legal spouse of Jesus Christ. Now every little girl who will take the white veil will become the bride of Christ and it is known that her family will be saved. It doesn't matter how many crimes they commit, banks they rob or how they drink, smoke or carouse; it doesn't make a bit of difference--the family will be saved if we, the little brides, continue in the convent and give our lives to the convent, or to the church. All members of our immediate family will be automatically saved. Many little girls go into a convent because we realize it is immediate salvation for our families. A little child who loves her family so much will feel this is the least she can do to save her family.
Of course you must understand that at that time our minds are totally immature and we don't know anything about life. Ones don't know what is in the hearts and minds of little children and the priest is looked upon, by these little children, as God--the only God we know anything about. I thought the priest was totally infallible, I didn't think he could sin, I didn't think he would lie---I didn't think he could make a mistake. I looked upon the priest as the Holiest of Holies for I didn't know about God but I did know about the priest. I knew that anything I would ask of God is asked of the priest. For all knowledge the priest was simply God manifested and all would come forth from him.
After taking the "white veil" I was 15 1/2 years of age and everyone is good to me, and I'm living in the convent and I haven't seen anything yet, because a little girl who is brought through the bridal ceremony is subject to a Roman Catholic priest until they are 21 years of age and they are kept in the total control of the Sisters of the order. Now the church will tell you that the little nuns can come out of the convent any time they want to. I tell you this is a lie. I spent twenty two years there and I did everything I could do to get out and instead of releasing me they sent me into the dungeon and I even tried to dig my way out. I was more imprisoned than you can ever begin to imagine and it is the same with all the little nuns. There is no way out and you are watched constantly and I will tell you of the treatment as we go along in this testimony.
The priest came to me and told me that, "I believe you're the type who would be willing to give up your home, give up mother and daddy, give up everything you love out in the world, and the world so to speak, and hide yourself away behind convent doors; because I believe you are the kind that would hide back there and be willing to sacrifice to live in crucial poverty, that you might pray for lost humanity." He said, "I believe that you are the kind that would be willing to suffer," for we are taught to believe, as nuns, that we suffer for our loved ones and your loved ones that are already in purgatory will be delivered from purgatory sooner because of our suffering. They knew I was willing to suffer, I didn't mind it, I didn't complain--they knew all of that for they had watched me constantly and knew me and that was why the grand Mother Superior began to tell me about the "Black Veil". Then, of course, you must know that I didn't know much of anything about a cloistered nun. I didn't know anything about their life, I didn't know how they live, I didn't know what they do; but this woman proceeded to tell me.
Now, many ones try to tell me in places I travel today, and Roman Catholics try to tell me all about cloisters and claim to have been in many and try to tell me all about them. But you know, a Roman Catholic can lie to you and they don't have to go to confession and tell the priest about the lie that they told because "they are lying to protect their faith". They are expected to tell any lie they want to, to protect their faith and never go to the confessional box and tell the priest about it--he would only commend them for protecting their faith.
They can do more than that, however, as they can steal up to $40 and they don't have to tell the priest about it. They don't have to say one word about it in the confessional box. They are taught that. Every Roman Catholic knows it and every Roman Catholic would be horrified to know how many of them steal up to that amount. Most of them lie. I have dealt with hundreds and hundreds of them and I have seen a good many of them then cry out to God to save them. Many of them first look into my face, into my eyes and lie to me until God gets a hold of their hearts and then they want to make light of it because they know they have lied. As long as they remain Roman Catholic they are committed to lie, and the sad thing is that you can't expect them to know God because I believe God does not condone sin and, although He forgives sin, I believe that He does not condone sin, yet the truth of God is not taught in the churches. The teachings are specifically dedicated to that which is given to be taught and all the rest is banned from participation, even to the reading. A Catholic is not given permission to even visit in another doctrinal sanctuary without having to confess it as sin.
THE FATEFUL DAY CAMEDharma, allow us to close this as it has been long and most difficult to hear. Allow a rest please. Thank you.
We shall continue from this point as we sit again. In love I stand aside. I AM SANANDA
PJ 14CHAPTER 10
REC #2 SANANDA
TUESDAY, APRIL 24, 1990 10:30 A.M. YEAR 3 DAY 251Sananda in Radiance to continue with Sister Charlotte's testimony. Peace and blessings be upon ye ones. I shall sit with you, Dharma, while we place this upon the pages that man might see and hear and understand. Selah.
THE BLACK VEIL/SISTER CHARLOTTE
Sister Charlotte:
They came to me and sat me down before them. The Mother Superior began to tell me how it would be. She began by telling me that I would need to spill my blood just as Jesus did upon Calvary, I would need to be willing to do heavy, heavy penance, and I would have to live in crucial poverty. Now I was already living in the pit of poverty but I thought that would make me holier and closer to God. I thought it would make me a better nun so I was very willing to live in that poverty.
On that particular morning, she told me what I would be wearing. She said I would spend nine hours in a casket and explained a number of other things to me. That was the most I knew about it, and I didn't really find out anything until I had taken my "white" veil.
On this particular morning in point, I was 21 years of age. But sixty days prior to my being 21 years of age, I would sign some papers that were placed in front of me and those papers were this: I would sign away every bit of inheritance that I might have received from my family after their death. Of course that was signed over to the Roman Catholic Church. Often times priests are enticing girls within the trap where the families have much property so that the Church will come into full inheritance of the child's birthright. I have reason to say to you that the salvation of your soul in the Catholic Church is going to cost you plenty of money. More than you can possibly know anything about--they are eager to commercialize on the life of that child.
On this particular morning, I asked the Mother Superior to give me a little while to think it over. No one forced me at this point and so I thought it over for a while and then one day I told her that I thought I would hide away behind the convent doors because I believed I could give more time to God; I could pray more and I would be in a better position to inflict more pain upon my body. I had no way of knowing the latter would be well taken care of without my participation. We are taught that God smiles down on us from heaven when we do penance, whatever the physical suffering might be, and the more the suffering the more the acceptance.
I didn't know how it would be. If you could only look into the hearts of little nuns, if you are a Christian you would immediately cry out before God in behalf of those little girls, because to themselves they are heathens. It doesn't make any difference as to the amount of education we might have--we are still heathens for we know nothing about this lovely Christ and nothing about any plan of salvation. We, as nuns, are simply living our karma within the convent.
And so, on that particular morning, I come walking down the isle again. Only on this day, I have no wedding garment on, I have a funeral shroud made of dark red velvet which falls to the floor. As I walk down that isle I know what I am to do. The casket is all prepared by the already cloistered nuns and it is sitting right out front. I knew that I would walk to the casket and climb within, lay my body down, and I would spend nine hours in there. Two little nuns would come forth and cover me completely with a heavy black cloth we call a "heavy drape", which is so incensed that ones feels certain smothering to death. I would have to stay there for the full nine hours or longer. I knew that when I would come out of that casket, I would never leave the convent--ever again. I knew I would never see my mother and father again--I would never go home again. I would always live totally behind convent doors and when I would die, my body would be buried there. They had told me that, so I knew it before the actual ceremony--but I had no way to comprehend a thing of such magnitude.
The worst and most terrible price to pay, however, was to open your eyes and realize that the convents are not religious orders as we were taught and we were trained. It is a total disappointment to a young girl who has given her life to God and willing to give up everything and sacrifice so much. I can assure you that it was a heartbreaking and terrifying disappointment.
The nuns asked me what I thought of while in that casket. I spilled every tear in my body. I remembered every lovely thing my mother had done for me; I remembered her voice and the gathering around the table. I remembered the times when she would play with us and remembered the things she had said to me--even to what a marvelous cook she was. I remembered everything as a little girl growing up in my parent's home. I remembered everything as I laid in that casket--knowing I would never again hear her voice or see her face. I knew I would never sit to her table again or enjoy her presence or her food.
I knew all those things so for some four hours I simply spilled all the tears in my body, because it was so hard and I knew I would get homesick but I was giving it all for what I thought was the love of God. I couldn't know any better. Those were nine horribly long, long hours. Then I got a hold on myself and began to speak to myself, "Now Charlotte, you will make the very best Carmelite nun, it will be the best thing you have ever done and you will give your best and you are willing to give everything you have."
I had given the best that I had up to this point and I would now be even better for I knew I must be the best that I could be. The Mother Superior and Priests knew all about it also. Now, I realized that after I would walk out of that casket, I would go back into the Mother Superior's room. I had never been allowed within that particular room so I had no idea what was inside.
When I walked in the room the Mother Superior requires I sit down in a high backed, hard bottomed chair. Then I would immediately take three vows--of poverty, chastity and obedience. As I took those vows, she opened a little place on my earlobe and removed a portion of blood, because every vow must be signed in my own blood. After that, I would take the vow of poverty. Now, when I signed that vow I would henceforth be willing to live in crucial poverty for the balance of my life. The next vow is of chastity. You know, this vow represents my marriage to Jesus Christ and I would always remain a virgin and I would never marry another in this world. After the Bishop married me to Christ he had placed a ring on my finger and that meant I was sealed to Christ. I accepted it because I knew no better. And now, here I was again, vowing to always remain a virgin because I am the bride of Christ.
Please listen carefully for these things are so important to the things that I shall later share. The last vow was of obedience. I already felt I knew what obedience meant for I was already living in a convent and absolute obedience is demanded. You don't escape with any show of disobedience; not for even a moment. You don't get away with disobedience and you are made to realize what obedience is and it is demanded and you know it. The sooner you learn it the wiser you become in stemming the consequences of disobedience.
WHAT DO THESE VOWS MEAN?
It means more than you folks will ever know because most people that I know anything about, know very little about obedience. You may know something, but I promise you that you know nothing compared to that which a little nun knows about it. Unless you have lived in a convent, you have no idea.
When I signed that particular vow in my own blood, it did something to me because after I signed those vows it meant I had signed away everything I had; my human rights were gone and I had become a mechanical human being. I can't sit until told to do so, I can't rise until they tell me to, I can't lie down until they tell me to and neither do I dare get up. I cannot eat until they tell me to, what I see--I don't see, what I feel--I don't feel; I have become a mechanical human being. But you are not aware of it until you have signed all these vows. Then you realize too late that there you are, a mechanical human being and you belong to Rome--totally to Rome.
AFTER THE VOWS--FORGOTTEN WOMEN
Immediately after I have taken those vows, then the Mother Superior is going to take away my name and give me the name of a patron Saint. And she teaches me to believe that whatever happens to me in the convent, I can take to that patron saint and she will intercede and get my prayers to God for I am not holy enough to stand in the presence of God. It is no wonder that the dear little nuns never get close to God for we were always taught that we would never be holy enough to stand in His presence. We always would have to go through someone else in order to get our prayers to God. We believe it because we don't know any better.
Now, all identification of who "Charlotte" was is put away. It would be taken away and if anyone should come to the convent and call for me in my family name, they would be told that there is no such person. I no longer exist!
Next, the Mother Superior is going to cut every bit of hair off my head. When she cuts it with the scissors she follows with the clippers. There is nothing left--not one strand of hair left on my head. Of course, if you could be a nun, you could understand that with the heavy head-gear we must wear that it would he so cumbersome to take care of it, that we don't have any way to take care of hair in the convent. There are no combs in the convent and you can see how hard it would be to tend a head of hair. It is certainly not necessary to have a comb after they finish with your haircut.
Alright, this is my "black veil" and these are my vows. I am there and I am going to stay there.
Up until this point I received a letter once a month from my family. I could also write a letter to my family. Even though I now realize that most of my writing would be marked out, because letters received from my family there was so much blacked out until there was no sense left to the letter. Oh, I would weep over those black marks while I wondered what my mother was saying to me. Well, I was informed that I would never know what they wanted to say to me and so it was. They break your heart over and over and the loneliness is complete. You have no friends in the convent.
I can assure you there are no friends. Even though there were 180 girls in my particular wing, not one was my friend and neither was I a friend to them. You are allowed no friends in the convent--we are all policemen and detectives just watching one another and compelled to tell on each other. The little nun who would find something to tell on another nun stands in good favor with the Mother Superior. Then that Mother teaches that nun to believe that when she stands in good favor with the Mother Superior, she is standing in good favor with God. Of course that little nun desires that so she will tell a lot of things which are not even truth.
SOLD MY SOULAfter all of this has so far transpired, everything I have is gone---I HAVE SOLD MY SOUL FOR A MASS OF THEOLOGICAL POTTAGE. Not only are we destroyed in our bodies but many of us in our minds as well. Many of us, if we die in the convent, will have lost our souls. It is a serious and pitiful thing and I covet your prayers for all those little helpless nuns behind cloistered convent doors.
They will never know the gospel. They will never know Christ---they will only know evil in its most terrifying and hopeless form. They will never feel the reflection of God and the Christos--they will only know death and mechanical and tortured existence.
AFTER THE VOWS, THE NEXT - -
After the vows have transpired, the Mother Superior sends me into another room. When I walk into that room I see something I have never seen before. I see a Roman Catholic Priest dressed in a Holy Habit. He walks over to me and locks his arm into my arm which had never been done in any of my previous experience in the convent. I had never had a priest insult me in any manner; I had never had one even be unkind to me in the first part of my convent experience.
But here he is now, and of course I didn't understand what it was all about and I didn't know what in the world the man expected of me. I pulled from him because I felt highly insulted and said "shame on you". It made him very angry. The Mother Superior must have heard my voice for she immediately came to the room. She said, "After you've been in the convent a little while, you won't feel this way. The rest of us felt this way in the beginning but you know, the priest's body is sanctified and therefore it is not a sin to give our bodies unto the priest." In other words, they teach every little nun this, "As the holy ghost placed the germ in Mary's womb and Jesus Christ was born, so the priest is the Holy Ghost and therefore it is no sin for you to bear his children."
Let me assure you, that is what they come to the convent for--there is no other purpose in all of this world for a priest to come to the convent except to rob those precious little girls of their virtue. I'll be telling you later in this testimony just what they really do.
At this point every bridge has been burned out from under me--there is no way back, I can't get out of the convent even though I pled; oh how I pled with that priest. I cried for my father--I wanted to go home. I told him I wanted to go no farther. He laughed in my face and, believe me, that is when you stand alone--there is none to whom to turn. You are caught in the circumstance for there is no way in which to get out of the convent.
I assure you, I stayed in the convent until God made a way for me to come out.
After all these things, now I am expected to go into the chamber with the priest. Did I go? No--I had not entered the convent to be a bad woman. I wouldn't have suffered as I had suffered to be a bad woman--I was there to be pure and Godly. I had entered the convent to give my heart, life and soul to God and I had no other purpose in being there. But you will soon learn why it is easier to do that which is expected than to disobey. Of course I refused to go into the private chamber with him, and would have fought until I spilled my last drop of blood. Well, I didn't go with him but on the next morning I knew that I would have to do penance.
A LITTLE PENANCE
When the Mother Superior said, the next morning, that I would need to do penance--I would be initiated as a Carmelite nun. I remember that when she walked me down into that particular place of penance, it was a dark room which was dark and cold. As we walked toward the front of the room I could see the little candles burning. Anywhere in the convent you will find the seven candles burning. As I came closer I saw the candles but I couldn't see anything else and of course I wondered what she was going to do to me. I felt terror rise in my heart for it is one thing you cannot completely get rid of.
As I came a little closer I could see something lying there on a board. When I came very close I could see it was a little nun lying there on what I call "a cooling board". The board was the same length as the girl. As I looked closely and watched the candle light flicker on her face, I realized the child was dead.
Questions rushed into my brain; how did she die, why is she here, how long has she been here--why am I here? But I had signed away every human right so I am not allowed to utter even one word. So, I just stood staring. Then the Mother Superior said, "You stand vigil over this dead body for one hour and then another little nun will come to relieve you." So every few minutes during that hour I would walk over to the little body and sprinkle it with holy water and say "Peace be unto you."
I did exactly what they told me to do even though it was a terrible feeling. But I was not afraid of the dead people for I had already learned it was the live people we had to be most cautious of. I wasn't afraid of that little dead nun but oh, my heart ached for her.
After the little bell rang I realized my hour was up. Then as I am waiting for my signal to be relieved--we must always walk on our toes in silence--I wait. I waited silently and heard nothing but I was quite unnerved being there with the little dead nun--so when the relieving nun laid her hand on my shoulder, I let out a scream in total terror. I didn't mean to do it; I didn't break the rule of silence on purpose but I was scared.
Immediately I had to come before the Mother Superior and that was the first time I was to learn and know about a dungeon. I had no idea there were dungeons in the convent. Well, she put me in a place of total darkness, dirty and floorless, and left me there in the total darkness for three days and three nights, without food or water. I assure you, I didn't scream any more. I really tried to never again break the rules of screaming because I now knew there was a dungeon and they will promptly put you in it. Let me tell you it is not a nice place to be.
MASTERPIECE OF SATAN
Before I go further, let me tell you that this potpourri is a masterpiece of Satan--A MASTERPIECE OF SATAN, with his lying wonders and his traditions and his deceptions--it is a terrible thing when you know about it.
After the three days in the dungeon the Mother Superior came to me and informed me that I must do penance. She took me down into another room underground. As I entered the room I could see a piece of wood there, and as I got closer I could see that it was a cross. It was made of heavy timbers, perhaps eight to ten feet high. It was sitting on an incline and was very heavy. She had me walk to the base of the cross and she had me strip off my clothes and then had me drape my body over the foot of the cross. She pulled my hands underneath and bound them to my feet. This is where I would be spilling my blood but she had not told me how and neither could I ask just how I would spill it.
There were two little nuns who came with her and she gave them a flagellation whip which is a bamboo type pole with six straps on its end and on the end of each strip was a cross piece of sharp metal. Each nun was given a whip and they stood on either side of the cross. At the same time, those girls began whipping my body. When the metal hit my body it would, of course, slash my skin. It would cut into the flesh and I spilled blood, running down to the floor. Well, that was my spilling of blood, and being human it wounded, it hurt--it was very painful but you dare not cry out. After the whipping is over, my body was not bathed but rather my clothing was put back upon my body and I have to go the rest of the day with the clothing sticking into the wounds.
When the night comes and I stand in front of my cell bed--we have to stand with our backs to each other to undress--I had to rip the cloth from my wounds and oh, it was terrible. I couldn't sleep at all that night; I was not a bit sleepy because I couldn't get all of my clothing off for they were dried into the wounds. The cloth remained dried into the wounds for several days. Neither could I eat the following morning of that awful event.
In the mornings we got a cup of black coffee in a tin cup and we could have no milk or sugar of any kind. We were also given one slice of bread made by the nuns of the cloister--it weighs exactly four ounces. That is all that is given for breakfast. Then in the evening there is a small bowl of soup made with only vegetables with no seasoning what-so-ever, with a half slice of bread. Three times a week I receive a half glass of skimmed milk. This was my food three hundred sixty five days in the year.
Of course I began to lose weight very rapidly because there was not enough food to eat. There was never a night that I went to bed without a hungry stomach. Sometimes the hunger pangs would be so severe I could not sleep. The pain would be gnawing and one could hardly stand it. You know, though, that you are still only going to get that one tiny slice of bread in the morning. Of course it couldn't begin to fill up the stomach and, of course, you have to work very hard all day.
I covet your prayers for those little nuns because you cannot imagine the misery. You will go to bed with a full stomach tonight but those little girls are starving, and they are lonely, wounded, heartsick and homesick. They are in total discouragement and worst of all, they have NO hope. No hope what-so-ever. You and I can look forward to the day when we can see Jesus--they have no hope, they believe they will never see Jesus. Please do not forget to pray for them.
ANOTHER INITIATIONA few days later the Mother Superior is taking me to another place for another initiation. When I go into the penance chamber this morning, we come into another area down there and the distance was quite a long ways to walk. It was a tunnel we pass through and then we come out into a room. When I walk a good distance into the room I see the candles burning and in addition I see a rope hanging down from the ceiling and I am so scared. I don't know what the ropes are for and I silently cry out in wondering what she is going to do. As you do the penances you begin to have a lot of fear in your heart. I can't say anything but I walk on and realize there are two ropes hanging down. She tells me to move over to the wall and stand sideways against the wall underneath the ropes. Then she tells me to put up both of my thumbs, and I did so. She pulled one rope down and on it was a metal band which she fastens around the joint of my thumb and then the other. Now I am standing facing the wall, and she comes over by me to a crank on the wall and she begins winding. I feel myself moving and she is taking me right up into the air. She winds until my toes are just touching the floor and there she fastens it.
All of the weight of my body is now on my thumbs and on the tips of my toes. Not a word is spoken--no one utters a word. She walks out of that room and locks the door. If you can imagine what it means to hear a key lock in a door and know that I am strung up here helpless, you can't imagine---unless you are a nun. When she walked out of that room I couldn't know how long I would stay there.
They left me there wondering if "this was it"? Would I simply die like this? They left me alone without food or water. Within a few hours my muscles began to scream out with the pain, for I was, after all, a human being. I was suffering unbearably and that woman left me to hang and nobody came near. It does no good to cry. You can spill every tear in your body but nobody will hear--there is no one there to hear. I just hung there, finally being convinced I was to die there. I began to feel the swelling and then I don't know how much time passed. Finally the door opened one morning and the nun had something for me to eat and water in a pan with potatoes in it. The potatoes were not fit to eat.
There was a shelf on the wall facing me and it can be adjusted to the height of a nun. Now remember, I am not against the wall--I am several inches away from the wall. She raises the shelf to the height of my mouth and puts the food and water on the shelf in front of me. She says, "There is your food." and walks out.
She didn't let my hands down--how can I get the food? But you learn, for you are so hungry but worse, you are so thirsty you feel as if you are going mad. To get it, I discovered that if I raise one hand a bit higher the other would come down just a bit and then over and over bit by bit I finally could just reach the dish. I had to lap it like an animal but I got just as much as I could reach. I worked until I got as much of the potato as I could because I was starving--it was awful and I am so pained to remember.
That was the way I was fed for a while. I hung there for nine days and nine nights in that position. The time came when I was so swollen that I could actually see the puffing as it protruded. I thought my eyes would come out of my head. I could feel that my arms, etc., were two to three times normal size and I was that way all over my body. I was in real suffering as it was like my entire body was like a "boil".
On the ninth day she comes in and releases the bonds and lets me down on the floor. I fall but I cannot walk. I didn't walk for I don't know how long. Two little nuns carry me out, one lifts my feet and the other my shoulder. They carry me to the infirmary and lay me on a slab of wood and there they cut the clothing from my body. Nobody but God will ever know how awful; I am covered with vermin and filth--my own human filth.
In that room are no facilities but right behind me is a stool with a pail and they have running water through it--but the lid is down and on the lid are sharp nails driven through the lid. If I would fall on that I would suffer terribly. If the rope would break I would have not survived and the suffering would be unbearable.
This, dear friends, is the life of a little nun behind cloistered doors. This is after they have already received the disillusionment--this is the life that we will live and these are the things that we will be forced to do.
I remember, as I lived on in that place, let me tell you that in the mornings we get out of our beds before 4:30 in the mornings. The Mother Superior taps a bell and that gives five minutes to dress. I tell you surely, you get that clothing on in five minutes--not five and a half. I failed once and was severely punished--I never failed again in all of the years in the convent.
When we finish dressing, we start marching and we march and march.
EVEN BEFORE THE BLACK VEIL
In the beginning days in the convent the lies were thrust forth. As an example, let us say a mother comes to visit and brings the child a bit of candy.
The mother would ask to speak to the Mother Superior and request to see the daughter. The child will then be brought to the other side of a wall where the mother cannot see her. But the mother will speak to her and ask if she is happy to be here. That little nun will lie and say to her mother that she is very happy. Well, the Mother Superior would be standing right there and the child would have no alternative. God alone knows what the Mother Superior would do to the little nun if she failed to lie. Then as a mother will, she will ask if the child has plenty to eat and the little nun will lie again and tell her "Oh, yes, we have plenty to eat."
That mother will then go home and be happy and share the news and a meal with the rest of the family. But if she could look within and see our table and see what her little girl eats--if she could just look in at her little girl after three or four years, she would see that her eyes are sunken completely into her head and her little body is wasted away. I can promise you that mother would never be able to eat another meal. If a parent could see a child after she has been in a convent for a period of time--they would never rest again.
Of course these things are all hidden, completely under-cover and the children have no choice--we are given what we shall have and we take it or die.
Dharma, enough for this sitting. Let us take respite. Thank you, chela, for your willing hands. I give you peace.
I AM SANANDA and I am ever with you. Amen.
