PJ 14
CHAPTER 11
REC #1 SANANDA
WEDNESDAY, APRIL 25, 1990 9:30 A.M. YEAR 3 DAY 252
Dharma, Sananda present to commune in Light. May you feel the protection of my light, chela, for I see and feel the wave of terror and dismay in thy heart.
The statement of the young Fireman/chaplain who was targeted for death by the Satanic group over Easter, is valid indeed. Of course it's hard to believe that these things occur in your local villages such as Bakersfield. Why think you that? Ye have been threatened and thrust at with voo-doo and Satanic exorcisms. George has received Satanic documents--why do you ones not see of it, it is all about you in your cities, churches, halls of injustice and all the way to your government hierarchy? Why think ye that we are penning these Journals?
I see the pain as you put this Journal to paper for you know it will be controversial and bring heartache and pain to ones who will be very, very close to you--even within thy circle. Will he know? Will he confirm? Precious, that is not for you to give thought to. It matters not.
Just as you cannot say that all Hispanic persons eat hot chili peppers and love them, neither can you lump all ones into the same mold of heinous activities as with the cloistered convents. But it is so and if a priest "has been around" he will at least suspect of the truth of these writings. This is being given forth in this sequence for particular ones who will come into their belief of truth because of these daring projections. So be it. It is as with all things which fall into the hands of human on Earth, it is destroyed as the presentation of God as rapidly as possible--sometimes in ignorance but 99% of the time in full orchestration of influential participants. Keep the shield of light about thee and the Hosts shall protect of thee. Someone must step forth and do this work for evil must now be confronted on all fronts.
Yes, I desire that as many as you can garner should attend the debate between Brent and Quinlen. Further, I believe that Oberli might ask them to have a joint participation at your local meeting in May. Evil will only be stopped when brought into the light of day, truth and knowledge, and Dharma cannot write fast enough to do it all. Ask for our presence and you shall all be brilliant in the work of truth.
I'm sorry, I cannot spare Friday for Dharma to go to Santa Barbara to bring Eleanor home. Perhaps Audrey and Ranos can accompany you, Oberli. May the light shine upon you through the journey. You will need help to get her into and out of the coach so you will need help. If they cannot attend with you then we shall reconsider Dharma.
I need a bit more penned on this present subject of the church and already the race is to stop of the publication of the material. This is not the most sensitive document you will write but it brings quite a bit of exposure to the citadels of authority at the highest levels of human power. Blessings he upon you precious and willing ones. Oh, you don't feel "willing", Dharma? Ah, yes you are--for here you sit giving unto me thine fingers. Actually, ye have given unto me your life, and I shall tend of it most tenderly. So be it.
Let us work now, on Sister Charlotte's story and perhaps we can finish this portion today or tomorrow. These horrendous facts must be stopped; I cannot longer bear that which is committed by Satan in mine name.
THE MOTHER SUPERIOR
Sister Charlotte:
I was terrified of the Mother Superior for the ones who fill those positions are hard, oh, they are so hard and their hearts are so hardened.
There was no place safe from her appearance and no limit to that which she would put upon us. And she could make us do anything she wanted us to do.
Even into the laundry rooms which were already as bad as you would think it could be, she would come. I might be down in the laundry room -- let me tell you of the laundry room. Doing the type of laundry required of us was hard indeed, for the things we would wash were very heavy and the water would be sloshed out on the floor, which was of cement, and oh, it would be such a mess. And then, here would come the Mother Superior, who to me was the same as turning loose a lion who is very, very hungry. I was scared to death of her and every time I saw that woman somebody had to suffer. Everyone is terrified of her and she knows that we are afraid of her because she is cruel. I have hardly the heart to tell of it. Anyway, here she would come and there we are washing, and as we would hear her footsteps approaching and even before we would see her, we would wash a little harder.
When she gets down to where we are, she might address me and say, "You come out here". I'm out there like a flash because I am indeed scared. Then she would say, "Prostrate yourself down there and make a given number of crosses on that floor." It is a cement floor and of course I must prostrate my body and lick those crosses. Those are not little tiny crosses--as far as I can reach, I have to lick those crosses. And she watches my countenance and if I appear to not like it, she might double the number to ten or twenty-live or more. The very next morning she may walk through again and because she saw something in my face which made her believe I didn't like what she had caused me to do, she will probably call me again. My tongue will be entirely sore and bleeding but I will have to lick the crosses again.
They will also compel you to crawl the distance of a cathedral isle, perhaps ten
times or more. It will not be on a soft carpet, it will be on a floor of cement or gravel. You cannot crawl on your hands and knees but upright, on your knees only. I might be able to make it only the first six times and then my strength will fail and faint. She will pour water on me and require that I crawl again. Most often, she will do this again the following day. By this time there will he scabs on my knees and open wounds and blisters. But I must crawl again for penance for failure is ever so much worse. Dear ones, this is the life of little nuns in a cloistered convent.
Then we are led to believe that God is looking down out of heaven and smiling his approval as we suffer. They tell us that God is made happy through our suffering because they have convinced us we are heathens and there is no way for us to know any better.
We have never been allowed to have a Bible. We have never had any scriptures--the nuns are totally ignorant of the words of God. We are raised exactly as the traditional Roman Catholic Church demands of us. We have no way to know about the lovely Gospel of Jesus Christ--and so, we have to do these things for the penalties for not doing them are so heinous that a little frail and battered nun cannot live through the ordeal. Oh, the burial vats are filled with little bodies and skeletons of the little ones who couldn't endure the torture.
The Mother Superior might walk through our cell doors, and by the way, there is nothing in there except the Virgin Mary holding the baby Jesus and there is the crucifix. Then there is a prayer-board. By the way, I'll assure you folks that you don't want to kneel on our prayer-boards. We kneel on it every day if we are able to walk under our own power. It is a board which is very short and very narrow with sharp wires coining up through it. Then the board upon which I will prostrate my arms also is covered with sharp wires. Well, I told you that we were going to suffer and do penance and this was a required portion of that suffering and penance.
As I lean on that prayer-board I am praying for lost humanity and I am believing, as I suffer, that my Grandmother, for instance, will be released from purgatory sooner because of my suffering. I would linger there longer sometimes, because I fully believed every moment would cause her to reach heaven sooner. That is all that little nuns know for that is all we are taught.
Every night we are locked within our cells. Every night the key is turned in those doors and there is no way to get up and come out of those cells. More than that, the lights are out at 9:30 and then at seven minutes to twelve two little nuns unlock all of the doors and every little nun gets up, dresses in full dress, goes into the inner chapel and there we again pray for one hour for lost humanity. We get very, very little sleep and we don't get enough food so our bodies are weak and sore and broken. We simply don't have enough strength to carry on after living there for a while. Little nuns have very short lives for their physical beings cannot endure the deprivation.
WE BELIEVE
We are taught to believe that as we spill our own blood, through torture or in any way that I spill blood by whipping or tormenting my body in any way, I am taught to believe that I will have one hundred less days to spend in purgatory. We have no hope; there is nothing to look forward to. After you live in a convent for ten years, you learn to realize that the Virgin Mary is just a piece of metal--a statue. I began to realize that St. Peter is just a statue. I began to realize that the statue of Jesus is just a piece of metal. In other words, we come to the place where we believe that our God is a dead God. I assure you, I lived in a convent long enough, not at first but after a few years, when we have spilled our tears and blood at the feet of those statues in prayer and no prayer, oh, we realize that we have a dead God and so it goes. So, these precious little girls are taught to believe that as we whip our bodies or torture them and spill blood, that we will have one hundred less days to spend in purgatory. We believe in a literal purgatory and that literal purgatory is a fire which is going to burn and we will feel the flames of that fire.
When I say that nuns are forgotten women--just who do you think is going to say a prayer or pay the priest to have a high mass for those nuns who are in a convent? Why, when those little nuns die, no notification what-so-ever is given. Even the parents will not know when those little bodies are gone, so who is going to pray us out of purgatory? Who will buy our way out of purgatory? Oh, we realize after we are in there for a period of time that there is no purgatory. The only purgatory the Catholics have is the priest's pockets and the people fill his pockets with coins in order to pray for their dead.
There are thousands and thousands of Roman Catholics. In the month of November the Roman Catholic priests praying masses for the dead of the Roman Catholic people in the U.S. collected $22 million. These were just for masses said for dead Roman Catholics in one month in your country. This is just to give you an idea of that which is going on every day right in front of you behind the lies and hidden crimes.
Thousands and thousands of mothers have worked their fingers to the bones to go to the priest and give him $5 to say a mass for a loved one who she believes to be in purgatory. This is because that little mother believes there is a purgatory.
In the convent there is a painting of purgatory. There is nothing else in the room except that painting and it is terrible. Every Friday we have to walk around that painting and when we walk around it, I wish you could see the little nun's faces. What is on the painting? As you walk around it, it looks like a deep, bottomless hole out there and there are people falling in and already fallen in and the flames are lapping around the bodies of those people. Their hands are outstretched and the Mother will say to the little nun, "You better go and put another penance on your body. Those people are begging to get out of that fire." Because we believe we are heathens, we don't know any better.
I might go some place in the convent and maybe I'll burn my body really bad, or torture it in some way to spill some of my blood because as I suffer I believe they are going to get out of that place where a priest put them. We are told there are millions and millions of people in purgatory that your own priests have put there by the word. When you finally know, you realize it is the biggest fraud in the world. He knows there is not a bit of truth to it. And bless your hearts, I say that if you take purgatory mass away from the Roman Catholic Church you will rob her of nine/tenths of her money and body--she would starve to death.
The Roman Catholic Church commercializes not only off of the living, but off of the dead as well. On and on it goes and even after ones involved become aware, there is no likely way to break away into freedom. Very few dare to ever break away and in the prisons of the convents and monasteries--there is no way to escape.
BACK TO THE MOTHER SUPERIOR
It does not bother the Mother Superior to take one of those little girls to the Father Confessor. Once a month we go to confession and the priests come into the convent as our Father Confessor. We don't want to go in there, oh, we don't want to go in there. I may not know the particular man who is out there but I know he is a priest. I know those priests who come for I have been there and lived there long enough and have had contact with every one of them and know them all and I don't trust a single one of them who come into the convent. I know not about other places or other priests, remember, I am only telling you about that which I have experienced and know to be the truth.
We know something about what is out in that room and we know that today we are going to go to confession. It may take all day long. Then as we wait, here comes the priest. I have never witnessed the priest coming into the convent without intoxicating liquor under his belt. And I say to every man or woman, whoever you might be, if you get liquor under your belt you are not a man and neither are you a woman--you become an animal and a beast.
And so, we have a beast sitting out there with a straight back, hard bottom chair and no other things except the crucifix and the Virgin Mary. And here he is, sitting right out there in the middle. Now, the little girl has to walk out there all alone. She has to kneel down to that terrible man and as I look back, I am sure in my heart that he was a twin brother to the Devil himself. He is so full of sin, vice and corruption. You must go out there and kneel down before that man and I tell you, you are a lucky girl if you get away from that man without being destroyed.
Why, he is a drunken beast and not a man. He has a holy habit on and he is an ordained Roman Catholic priest--but he is a being of Satan. I assure you we do not like to go to confession but we must go once a month. Those little girls can't help themselves. Nobody comes out of that room but the priest and I, until it is all over, and then we come back and the next will have to come. I assure you, we don't appreciate that day and those little girls don't know any better and there is nothing they can do if they did know better. The Bible was a forbidden book to every one of those little girls so they had no way to know anything. Therefore, they are totally trapped by the Devil himself with no way to escape and no way to reach out for help. Do you realize, dear friends, we are the only help they have?--that we somehow tell you of the truth and you will spread this truth and then someone will do something to stop this torture and set the little innocent beings free. Oh, pray for them, I beg you, pray for them that God can work through you ones to save these little beings.
PRIESTS IN THE CONVENT
If a Roman Catholic priest comes into the convent, he may go to the Mother Superior and ask her to permit him to go into the cell where the nuns are. Now that Mother has a carnal mind and a carnal heart and she is very hard and very carnal. Further, she is, many times, the mother of many illegitimate babies and they belong to the priest. You know, she will take that priest who is drinking--they bring liquor right in with them, and sometimes the Mother and some of the nuns drink with them. It is a terrible place, it is certainly not a religious place as you would give that name. She will bring that priest into one of our cells and here you have a big man who is strong from being well fed and he is full of liquor and there is a little nun who is frail with a broken body and she will not have very much strength.
Now why has he come into that cell? For nothing except to destroy that little nun. I often wish the government could walk into that place just as a priest is let into a cell. The Mother will turn the key and the little girl is locked in there with that priest. There is no way to defend ourselves.
I am a nurse and I got my training by going through the underground tunnel into the hospital while I lived in an open order convent. But may I say that if you could look upon the body of that little girl after the priest is taken out of there, she looks like something thrown out into a hog pen and a half dozen old sows have mailed that little body.
This is convent life and I can certainly understand why your priests are calling and complaining constantly and screaming their head off because I am giving this testimony. May I say to you that I don't mind if they continue to scream, I don't mind what they do to me for I am not one bit afraid of them and I will continue to give this testimony for as long as God gives me strength. I will give this testimony to my life's end regardless of what that church or those priests and prison-keepers do to me in your country. I know what I am doing, I know what I am saying and I am no longer afraid of anyone in all of this world for I am a child of God and God will allow my work to be finished whether I am killed or whatever might be in store for me. All you can do is murder me and then I care not what you do with my body after I am gone so I will continue until I have no more breath with which to speak--and then someone will perhaps pick up the message and carry it forth--God will see to it. I know that God saved me and brought me out of that place to do what I am doing--pulling the cover off of the convents.
I believe he saved me to uncloak these places of evil hiding under the cloak of religion. I believe this with all of my heart and soul.
GIVING TO THE PRIESTS
You know, we were only supposed to give our bodies to these priests and many times the nuns are simply overpowered. But what if I refuse to give my body to the priest? He becomes furious and goes immediately to the Mother Superior and then, friends, when two carnal minds come together they can induce things that you and I have not enough evil in our hearts to even conceive. There is not enough sin in our lives to invent such things as they come up with to reap upon those poor little children of God.
When those two carnal minds come together, the next time they are all ready. The Mother Superior might say to me the next day that we are going to do penance. Now, the penance will be something the priest and Mother Superior have invented together. It will be very, very cruel. They may take me down into one of the dirty dungeons where there are no floors and you will find a room with a log about three feet long with a mound of cement with a ring sticking out of the ground. There are leather straps fastened there and they will put my feet through those rings and then strap my ankles securely. There I am, standing with my feet strapped to those rings--and they leave me there locked up in that place by myself. It is a dreadful place and I might stand there for two or three hours if I have strength enough in my body. Sometimes you become too exhausted to stand and you faint and you go down. But when you go down your ankles are turned over and then you cannot get up again. You might lie in that position for two or three days without anyone even coming near. There will not be a bite of food or a drop of water but you must stay there with the vermin and rats running over your body.
Of course no priest outside wants this--nobody outside wants this and they will do anything to make sure no one ever escapes alive from a convent. They will do anything to prevent anyone getting out to tell. Oh, it is terrible. Sometimes while lying strapped to those rings the priest will have his way and then the little nun will be left to lie in the suffering in the added shame and guilt.
Sometimes when a little nun refuses a priest he goes mad with anger and will beat the child and knock her to the floor and kick her--often times he will kick her in the stomach and very often the little nun will be carrying a baby created by one of the priests. It doesn't matter to the priest that there is a baby under your heart--he doesn't care for he knows the baby will be killed anyway. What can they do with babies born in places like that under the cloak of a religious order?--they can't be allowed to survive. Most of the babies are born premature and many are abnormal from the abuse and weakness of the mother. Very seldom do you see a normal baby. Oh yes, I shall continue to confess this and give my testimony until my last breath to stop this.
I am a nurse and I have delivered these babies and watched the little bodies wreaked with pain and the little nuns will bleed and many die and the babes are twisted and malformed and the agony is so great. This goes beyond anything the human mind can bear. I shall go before the courts and cry out and some of you will hear me and some day you will cause those convents to he opened and then you will see and know of the horror in those places. I have been before the highest courts in your country and I know what I am doing and I know what I am saying because I have been connected with this awful system for 23 years behind convent doors.
BABIES BORN
Most of you little pregnant mothers have everything all ready for that tiny little bundle of joy. You are eager to bring forth a little child and you get everything all ready for its coming--that precious little immortal soul is going to be born into your home. Oh, but you should see that little pregnant nun--there is no joy in that place. The little one will never have a blanket about its body. It will never have a bath. It will only live at the most, four or five hours and then the Mother Superior will take that baby and put her fingers into its nostrils and cover its mouth and snuff its little life out. If the babe is what you would call perfect, then it is dealt with in a more horrible manner as a sacrifice. Either way the little life is snuffed out quickly.
What is then done with those little bodies? There are lime pits in those convents. The baby will be killed and it will be put into the lime pit and the lime will be put over its body and that is the way the baby's life ends. Oh, it is so hard to think about it and that is why I challenge people to pray. Ask God to deliver these children from behind those convent doors. Pray to God that every convent in the United States be opened and require the government go within. When the government goes in and the public goes in also, then you will have the nuns being brought out and the convents closed up.
They opened the convents in Old Mexico in 1934. There are no more of these convents in Mexico. Every cloistered order was opened and they found all this corruption. The lime pits are there--everything is there to be seen. If any of you are traveling and can, go over into Old Mexico and see for yourselves. The government took them and now own them and they are public museums. Go through those convents and look with your own eyes and touch the things with your own hands and then see whether or not you believe my testimony.
It will fill every drop of blood in your brain--it will do something to you that you cannot imagine--go through them. Go look at them and go through the dungeons, go into the tunnels, go to the lime-pits, look at the rows of skulls along the walls and then ask the guides where they all come from. Go see all of the devices of torture they use to inflict the horror upon the bodies of the little nuns. Go into the cells and look at the beds and see for yourselves. Oh yes, you can go--it will cost you twenty-five cents to go through one of them. Go see for yourself and then come home and maybe it will give you a greater burden to pray for the saving of those little girls that have been enticed behind convent doors by the hierarchy of the Roman Catholic church.
I wonder how you would feel if this was your child. And remember, I had a mother and daddy and they loved me just as much as you love your children. When they let me go into the convent they were happy, they had no way to know this is the way it is. They never dreamed in their wildest imaginings that a convent would be like this.
There is a room, for instance, built for a specific purpose and suppose you are watching and they bring in a little nun who has been accused of doing something. There is a little partition there and a little lever there that when pressed a cover opens and there is a deep, deep hole underneath. It doesn't matter what she has done, if anything. But she had done something and it must be very serious. They bring her now to this particular place. Her hands and feet are bound securely and they drop her into that horrible, horrible pit. Then they are going to put the boards back down and no-one will ever know for there is plenty of chemicals and lime down there. But it is not that quick and easy. Six little nuns have to walk around that hole and we chant as we walk around that hole for we mustn't let any evil spirits to come out into the convent. So we sprinkle holy water over that hole. We may walk for six or more hours and then there will be six more nuns and on and on it goes until the last moan is heard from the pit and that is the end of the little nun.
Does it bother you to know that little nun is dead and lost and will never be delivered out of that convent except through this horrible manner? Does it bother you'? Does it bother you enough to speak out? It bothers me and it breaks my heart. You who are Catholics--does it bother you? My God who is within--please hear us and do something!
* * * * * * *
Today it is fifty six years after the Mexican convents were opened--will you open them in the United States? Elsewhere? Or will you go on in the lie in my name of Christ and God while Satan murders these innocent little children? So be it for the decision not to act is the decision made. As the voice of Christ will you hear my petition through these words and through the outcry of blessed Charlotte and rescue those children? You cried out in anguish over the German holocaust and yet this goes on in front of thine faces and you allow of it--YOU ALLOW OF IT. HOW MANY TIMES WILL YE CRUCIFY ME? HOW MANY WILL YOU SLAUGHTER IN INNOCENCE IN MINE NAME? HOW MANY DESERVE THE MIRACLE OF GOD'S SALVATION? HOW MANY WILL HEAR MY CALL? HOW LONG WILL IT BE BEFORE YOU OF BLINDNESS WAKE UP? YE ARE AFRAID? YE HAVE NAUGHT TO FEAR FOR EVIL WILL STAND NOT IN THE PRESENCE OF THE LIGHT OF GOD--IT WILL FALL LIKE THE DOMINOS. WHO WILL HEAR MY PLEA AND BE MY HANDS AND FEET AND DEMAND JUSTICE? SO BE IT FOR THE CLOCK TICKS ON----BUT HOW LONG SHALL IT TICK?
Dharma, take rest please. I hold thee close as we walk through these shadows and into truth and light. Through grace shall we open the path.
I AM SANANDA, ONE WITH GOD. I AM THAT ONE YOU LABELED EMMANUEL JESUS, THE CHRIST. HEAR ME, FOR THE TIME IS AT HAND FOR THE SORTING---WHERE WILL YOU BE STANDING? AHO!
PJ 14
CHAPTER 12
REC #1 SANANDA
THURSDAY, APRIL 26, 1990 9:30 A.M. YEAR 3 DAY 253
Sananda here in Radiance. May we continue with Sister Charlotte's testimony for you are in overload of consciousness. We will commune with you, Dharma, at the end of this portion for I see you efforting to balance the impacting load. Ones must come to realize that it is not so simple as turning things over to the higher energies and then expecting response through a single given individual. I must beg patience of all for there are dozens of correspondence pieces awaiting response with hundreds of inquiries of most specific nature. We will respond directly if ones will but hear us and begin to trust that which you perceive.
This day rests heavily upon these ones for the legal payments are due and the funds are not available and it is quite difficult to continue in the face of such barrage. The burden lays heavy for no matter how much writing we command of Dharma, the rewards do not return and thusly, the impact of the human becomes heavy indeed. We must be cautious not to kill the goose who constructs the golden eggs. I plead for patience for you who await personal response.
These Journals must come first, then the Expresses, in which we will endeavor to cover as many pertinent and widespread inquiries as possible.
ONLY A FEW KNOW
Bear with us as we unfold truth unto you. Dharma speaks for all when she feels that these things simply cannot be or more ones would KNOW. No, more ones would not know and that is why we are unfolding them unto you---people DO NOT KNOW!
How can a Catholic, and especially a priest, not know of these horrendous things within convent walls? Easily, and completely "probably". If the general members knew, there would be no ability to continue with such Satanic power and control. Only the very few are made aware of these things perpetrated upon humanity.
As with the Masonic order. The evil is at the hidden top of the line--the innocent members are the slaves who raise money and go among the people doing good--'tis only the top conspirators who know the truth and orchestrate the remainder of you, the orchestra.
This is wily the Journals must be put forth for unless Lou of the orchestra come into knowledge there is no way to play the heavenly compositions and symphonies of God. The music played presently is mesmerizing and deceitful. So be it.
We shall continue with Sister Charlotte's testimony, please, and then afterwards we can speak of these things. I have no intention of being specific as to locations and pinpoint ones for the repercussion against our workers is too heavy. You readers will be given to know--if, for instance, you live near or have any connection to a convent with cloistered nuns you can know that this story is truth and you must take action to uncover the crimes and bring them into the light of day---remember, the hierarchy will do everything, including murder, to keep you fooled and the truth hidden!
How do you do it? You demand and demand and demand. If you are a family and you have a child in one of these places, you demand until they produce the child. Difficult? You better believe it will be difficult--but if you demand, you will receive and find of the way. I hope this story makes your heart bleed and be opened into sleeplessness---PRAYER IS NOT ENOUGH--FIND THE WAY TO ACT AND DO SO. PRAYERS HAVE COME UNTO ME TO DO SOMETHING; THESE BABIES HAVE PETITIONED ME TO DO SOMETHING TO RELIEVE THEIR PAIN AND GET THEIR FREEDOM--I AM HEREBY DOING IT. I AM DEMANDING THAT YOU, OF MY PEOPLE, TAKE ACTION WITH YOUR MINDS, HANDS AND FEET, AND RELEASE THESE INCARCERATED AND FORGOTTEN LAMBS OF GOD. SO BE IT!
Sister Charlotte:
ON ANY GIVEN MORNING
Here we are, a body of little nuns and on any particular morning the Mother Superior might have us lined up and we don't know why she has us lined up. There might be ten or fifteen of us and then she'll tell us all to strip. We have to take every stitch of our clothing off. We certainly are not anything beautiful to look at; our eyes are sunken into our heads, our teeth are fallen in and our bodies are wasted. God only knows exactly what we look like because we never see ourselves. In 22 years I never saw a reflection of myself.
I didn't know I had gray hair or lines in my face. I didn't know how old I was--I only found that out after I came out and found records. These children know nothing about what we look like.
Here we are lined up and here come two or three Roman Catholic priests with liquor under their belts and there they go to march in front of those nude girls and choose the girls they want to take to the cell with them. These are cloistered convents, dear ones--not open orders.
The priest can do anything he desires and hide behind the cloak of religion. That same Roman Catholic priest will go back into the Roman Catholic Churches and there he will lie and say mass, and there he will go into the confessional box and make those poor believing people confess sins uncommitted and act as God and give them absolution from those perceived sins. This man sits as God while he is filled with corruption and vice. What a terrible thing it is but therefore it goes.
INSIDE OF CHARLOTTE
All the while these things are going on, what do you think is going on inside of Charlotte? God love your hearts, I didn't know people could hold so much hatred and bitterness. It went on and on and on. I became filled to overflowing with bitterness and hatred--it built and continued to build. I began to feel within my heart, that if I could get the Mother Superior in a certain place I would kill her. It is awful to get murder within our hearts. I didn't go into the convent with a heart like that, nor a mind like that but I began to plan murder in the convent. How could I kill her and how might I kill a Roman Catholic priest and on and on it went.
Every time she would inflict something awful on my body and I would have to suffer so terribly, afterwards when I could sensibly think again, it would he how I might kill that woman.
How would you feel? Here is the Mother Superior and she sits me down in a straight backed, hard bottomed chair and I have no hair for it has all been shaved away. Now she makes me hold out my arms and she puts my hands out front in stocks. I am going to have to bend forward with my head bowed in order to put my hands in the stocks and an upper holder across my neck. I am fastened securely with no way to move in any direction.
Over my head is a water faucet just a few feet higher than my head if I were standing. That Mother turns that water on--just a drop and it will come regularly and it will hit me on the back of my shaved head. I can't move in any manner what-so-ever and I sit there for hours upon hours. I would do anything, anything, to get away from that drop of water. It is falling on the same spot on my head--over and over. Why God love your hearts, if you could look in, you would see us frothing at the mouth. You would see those little girls trying so hard to move away from that water and they will sometimes leave us ten hours or more. All day long they leave us there.
Sometimes a little nun "cracks" completely. Sometimes a little girl will go stark raving mad under this particular penance. Well, when this happens, what do they do with her? I'll tell you in a few minutes because let me assure you, they have a place for her! After we go mad in the convent, they certainly have a place to take care of us.
I began to plan and plan how I could kill her because after you have experienced something like this it is terrible and you can no longer think rationally.
One day, it happened. The Mother Superior became violently ill. Now if she dies, who will take her place? Sometimes they have as many as four older nuns and let me tell you, they have been hardened and trained and they will always pick the one who is hardest. The one who is most carnal and evil, that one who no longer has conscience--that is the one who will be the next Mother Superior. Remember that the trainees are trained by the main Mother Superior and therefore another even more vicious will take her place.
This particular time of illness, I was summoned to her room for she was gravely ill and remember, I am a nurse. Quickly as a blink I began to think that if I go in that Mother Superior's room, I know what I'll do--you know, after all, I'm a nun but I'm already, after all, a complete heathen and sinner. I don't know God and I am filled with hatred.
They have brought in an outside Roman Catholic doctor for she is very ill. He has left orders and I am supposed to take care of her and that was just wonderful. I do take care of her and all day long I did exactly what they told me to do. They left tablets for her which I knew exactly what they were, what they would do and why she was taking them.
All day long I tended her and gave her the medicine and did everything I was supposed to do. All evening long I followed instructions for I knew I must be most careful. I waited until one o'clock in the morning before I took any action because every night the nuns must chant from 12:00 to 1:00 a.m. I waited until all the little nuns had returned to their cells and then I took six of those tablets and gave them to her in a glass of water.
I knew she would go into convulsions and I knew it would be horribly painful. I knew she would suffer a million deaths in twenty-five minutes. I wanted to watch her suffer because she had destroyed us. It is terrible to think that a child can be abused in a place like that until her heart is almost as hard as the Mother Superior herself.
After I gave them to her I waited a minute and then I got scared. I watched her change color and I couldn't find a heartbeat or a respiration. Then I became terrified for God alone knew what they would do to me if they found her dead.
Well, I got a stomach pump and pumped as fast and hard as I could. I massaged that woman and I did everything I could imagine to do and thank God, she didn't die.
I sat down by the bed and held her hand while I watched her carefully until the respirations returned to normal and until her pulse was normal and I knew she would live.
THE KEYS
While I sat I realized that the keys to the convent were also there in that room, on a ring on a chain that was always kept on the Mother Superior's body. I took those keys and I was going to go down under that ground where we were never taken. There was one very heavy door into an area some two stories down in the underground. All nuns were warned to never try to go through that door. What in the world could be over there? But I wondered what was back there because when they had me in the dungeon for a long time once, I heard screams coming from over there. I heard such blood-curdling screams and I knew there were girls locked up somewhere behind that wall.
So I took the keys and I went into that particular place. It took a while to find the proper key but I found it and unlocked that door and went into the area behind the wall. I first walked into a narrow hall. Along one side of the hallway were a number of cells with extremely heavy doors and within those cells were some nuns.
I was hit with a stench which almost took my own breath away. I went to the first cell and I was appalled. I asked the child how long she had been there. No answer. I asked how long it had been since she ate. No answer. I went down to the second, third, fourth and fifth and the stench became so bad it couldn't stand it. Those little girls would not utter a sound because they knew the convents are "wired" and any sound made is played to the Mother Superior--every whisper. And then, there is always someone to "tell" and the penance is terrible.
Those were the nuns who had mentally gone mad. They were then put into chains strapped to the walls where then cannot even fall to the ground. When they are put in there they are given no food and no water and they are left there in that manner until they are dead. The stench is so bad because many of them are already dead and the waves of sickness swept over me and I couldn't even know how long some of them had been dead. I can't go on - - - .
BACK TO MOTHER SUPERIOR
I felt my way back to the room where Mother Superior lay ill and replaced the keys for I knew not what else to do. I sat down by her bed and waited. She slept into the following day--long, long hours she slept. When she did awaken she said, "I have had a long, long sleep haven't I?" I told her that she had. I took care of her for three days and I never knew at that time whether or not she ever knew I had gone into the forbidden chamber.
After the three days, they put me out in the kitchen. When we do our tour in the kitchen, six of us go for a period of six weeks. We do the cooking and do the kitchen work. We prepare the vegetables and the soup, and we tend the vegetables at a long table along one side of the room. It is a very long room and at one end of the room are about four steps down to a landing just inside a very heavy outside door. The garbage cans sit there.
While I am there working, someone tipped over one of those garbage cans. We are terrified for we are never allowed to make any noise lest we be terribly punished. We were all six present so we wondered who in the world had touched the garbage cans. Well, as we stared around we saw a man who was picking up the full cans and leaving empty ones. I had never seen anything like that in all the years I had worked in that kitchen. I believe God had just laid his hand on me and with all my heart I know it to be true.
We turned quickly away for it is a mortal sin to look upon a man other than a Roman Catholic priest, so we turned around most quickly and bent to our work. But I thought in a flash--when that man comes to exchange cans again, I am going to somehow get him a note.
Well, it continued, because there is a pencil and a bit of paper hanging in the kitchen where items of need are written. I stole a piece of paper off the pad and I carried that little piece of paper and every time I could get my hands on that pencil I would write a word or two on the note. Oh, I watched that garbage can and everytime I took the garbage down there I watched it. And when it was just about full and I thought that the next evening it would be full when the day's garbage was added, I made my plans.
As I worked, I very quickly broke my crucifix and laid it up on a shelf. I had a very hard time doing it because constantly everyone is watching everyone else. But I did it and I laid it up on the shelf so everyone could see it and went about my work. I had to have a way in which to get back to that room later.
When the dinner is over and the dishes are tended, everyone leaves at the same time and we must march past the Mother Superior. When I marched by I quickly stopped and whispered to her saying, "Mother Superior, I broke my crucifix and I left it in the kitchen. May I go for it?" No nun is expected to go without her crucifix and she asked how I had broken it and I lied to her--everything she asked me, I lied to her just as convincingly as I could. I guess I had learned to lie because she lied to us and we are all sinners so I lied, too.
She finally told me to go get the crucifix and come right back. That's all I wanted because I had to have a reason for no one can return to the kitchen after you have left it. And so I headed directly for the garbage pail because when I had put my last garbage in the pail I had left a note right on top of that garbage and left the lid off which was forbidden, and so it went.
I had written on the note to the garbage man, "If you get this, won't you please help me. Won't you please do something to help me out of this place." I told him about those nineteen cells in the underground and the dungeons. I told him about the babies being killed and I also told him other little nuns were locked in the dungeon and were bound with chains. I told him plenty and asked him to help us. I said if he would, please leave a note under the empty cans. That is what I went back for and prayed hard that there would be an answer.
When I lifted up the can and found a note, you cannot imagine how I felt. I froze to the floor I was so scared and didn't know what to do. I picked that piece of paper up and read it and this is what it said: "I'm leaving that door unlocked and I'll leave the big iron gate unlocked and you can come out." It was almost more than I could conceive. I never dreamed I would ever get Out of that convent--I never really dared dream I might find a way.
THE ESCAPE
When I could collect myself, I reached over and turned the knob and, you know, it was open. I walked out of that convent and turned and made sure the door was locked behind me. I got all the way to the huge iron outer gate and oh, I was trapped--the gate was locked and now I was trapped. I was terrified for now I was locked out of the convent and I cannot get out of the gate. I have no right out there and I knew I would be destroyed if I turned back. I was scared half to death and couldn't move for a while. The fear washed over me until I was sick for God alone could know what they would do to me if I went hack and pounded on that door to be allowed back in.
I had no shoes or stockings for I had worn them out years before. The richest Church in the world and the nuns go winter and summer without shoes or foot coverings of any kind. Even in crucial poverty, I still wonder at how they can do it, or how any of the children survive.
What did I do as I stood in front of that huge gate? Well, I had no real choice in my own mind--I started to climb it for there was nothing else for me to do.
About a foot from the top is a ledge about six inches wide. I thought if I could manage to climb high enough to get my knee on it I would be safe. I did, I got one knee on the ledge but I had no more strength. Then I recovered enough to think a bit and I thought if I could get one leg over the sharp projections, and then the clothing, then I could get my other leg over and at least I would be on the other side of the fence. Well, then I knew I was faced with another decision for I knew I had not enough strength to let myself down the other side and would have to jump. It was a high gate and I knew I would break my bones if I fell or jumped.
I pulled all my clothing up around my body and held them with one hand and then decided I would simply have to jump. Oh gosh, I was scared because, you know, they have a buzzer in the convent and when a nun tries to escape they turn the buzzer on. Then, funny thing--the priests who claim never to come to the convent, pour out like ants when that buzzer goes off. They really set to right fast, then. They are immediately out and after that nun because they don't want her out of that convent because some day, she will give a testimony if she escapes. I assure you, they do not intend for any of us to ever get out!
As I sat atop that gate and made that jump--I just didn't make it--which seemed bad at the time for there I hanged. My clothing caught on those points and I just hung there. I didn't know what I looked like and I certainly didn't know I had gray hair but I have often said that perhaps my hair turned gray right there on that gate. I was in terror realizing that buzzer could go off any minute and there I would be.
I tried to wiggle my body or swing it for if I could get back far enough to grab the fence with one hand, perhaps I could help myself with the other. Then I tried unfastening the portion that was caught for it was the garment worn and attached at the waist. When I did this, I promptly hit the ground. I was completely unconscious and I lay there for some time but I don't know for how long.
When I came to, I had a shoulder broken and my arm was broken and the bone had snapped and cut right through the flesh because there was no "meat" on me, just skin.
Well now, I realize I am severely injured, I am on the outside and now, what will I do--where am I going? At this point I know that I am not in the United States, for I am in another country and I don't know anything about that country. When they had brought me to the place, they kept me completely veiled and I couldn't see anything and I have no idea where I am and I don't know Where to go and I no longer know anyone in the world, anyway. I have no money and I am hungry and my body is broken and what will I do? Where will I go?
I realized I must move away from the convent and I did. I just started moving away. I was so afraid for it seemed I had made so much noise and I couldn't move quickly and I was so scared they would find me. I moved along in the darkness. There was no twilight in that part of the country and it just dropped off into darkness and I can barely make out outlines of some things. I found a little building to the side of the road--very small--and I didn't know what it was. I thought it might be a dog house or chicken coop or something similar. I crawled in it because I was shaking and scared and I laid in there for a little while to get a hold of myself.
Then I realized it was safer for me to travel in the dark for I would surely be seen in the daylight. I stumbled on through all that night and then the next day I hid behind some pieces of boards and tin piled up against an old building. All day long I was hiding in that hot place and I was starving and broken--I now realize I was being kept alive for some mission and so I held on and waited my chances.
When night fell again, I have to move because I must get away from that convent. It was not safe to knock on anyone's door. If I rapped on a Roman Catholic's door they would immediately take me right back to the convent. I now knew that it would be better to be dead than be taken back. I stumbled on and on and the next day I hid out in a stock pen. The night fell and I traveled on. The next day I was really scared because my arm was swelled as tight as it could be and I was having to carry it in the other hand. All my fingers began to turn blue and I knew gangrene poisoning had set in. I knew at that moment that I would probably die just like a rat in that rubble. I didn't know what to do but I felt I couldn't go this far and fail. I knew I might have to go and rap on someone's door.
Finally, that is what I did. I remember that as I walked out of that barn and stumbled along I could no longer think. As I stumbled along I came to an old house with an old fashioned lamp burning inside. I saw this lamp for quite a ways before I reached the house. It was the home of poor people and I could go no further. I walked up to the screen door and rapped on it. A tall man came to the door and he was rather old and I asked, "Please, may I have a drink of water?" That old man didn't answer me but he walked back into the house and called to his wife. God bless her heart, she was like most old fashioned mothers, she came to the door and she didn't ask who I was or what I wanted. That dear little woman just pushed that door open and said for me to come in and sit down.
GODLY PEOPLE
That was the most beautiful music I have ever heard--her sweet voice. She pulled out a chair for me and I sat down. I was so tired and they were obviously so poor as they had no rugs or anything very much, but there was a little checkered table-cloth in red and white on that little table and I will never forget it. There was a little stove in the corner and a fire in it. That woman put some milk in a pan and heated it and brought it to me. I am starving and I have no manners, and I grabbed that glass of milk before she could even set it down and I swallowed it all instantly. I am so hungry I thought I was going mad.
Of course, the moment it touched my stomach it came right back up--I lost it instantly. Not only was I starved but I had had no milk in twenty-two years. I simply couldn't take it and I felt so embarrassed and so miserable. But she knew what to do. She went out to the kitchen and heated water and added sugar to the water and then she brought it over to me and fed it to me a spoonful at a time. I took every bit of it and it was the best thing I ever had had pass my lips.
Then the daddy walked over by me and asked who I was and from where I had come. I began to cry and I told them I had run away from the convent and I wouldn't go back. He then asked what happened to me because my hand was laying up on the table. I told him about the gate and falling and he could already see that I was badly hurt.
He said that he would have to get a doctor. Then I became totally hysterical and I tried to run back outside and they wouldn't let me. He said, "Wait a minute, we are not going to hurt you but you must have help." I cried that I didn't have any money and I don't have any people and I can't pay a doctor's bill. I was just in a terrible mess, if you want to know it.
That man said to me, "I'm going after a doctor--and he is not a Roman Catholic and neither am I. You are safe with us." That dear man didn't have a car so he took a horse and buggy and drove nine miles to get a doctor.
The doctor came ahead in his car and when he arrived, ahead of the man, he walked around me and kept walking around me and he was swearing. He was furious because he was looking at something that was supposed to be a human being and I in no way even resembled a human being. I was in such horrible condition.
He sat down in front of me and he said he would have to take me to the hospital--right then. I pleaded not to go, I was so terrified. He sat closer and took my good hand and he said he was not going to hurt me but that I must have help and he wanted to help me.
He took me into the hospital that night and that was the first time I ever knew how much I weighed--I am a large woman by frame and I weighed exactly 89 pounds.
They took me into surgery and they tried to get the inflammation out of my hand. It took about twelve or thirteen days and they had to break and re-break the bones and I suffered, but nothing like that in the convent, for they would give me something to ease the pain and I had only known things to make pain worse.
Finally it came so that I could be released and those dear poor people took me in. I had been in the hospital three and a half months and the doctor wanted to take me to his home but I only trusted the first little people. So they took me home with them and I stayed there for a period of time and the doctor stayed in touch and checked on me.
One day there was a letter from the doctor and check enclosed. He asked them to go and get me some clothes that he was coming to get me on a certain day. He told me that he would find my people for me. That doctor was a stranger to me and oh, I thank God that there are men and women across this world who are so unselfish as to use some of the money that God has allowed them, to help those less fortunate than they.
They spent a lot of money on me for I was hospitalized for three and a half months and he paid the bills. Oh how I appreciate it.
These dear ones bought me clothing and something to carry them in and then the doctor came and took me to the train. He had found my people for me. I was on trains and boats for a long time and then one day, after he had arranged my visa for me to return to the U.S., he arranged for someone to travel with me at all times because I didn't know what to do or how to do anything for myself in the world.
HOME!
One day as we traveled by train, they called the name of the town where my mother and daddy lived. And I remembered. I got off that train and ran all the way to their home, some five blocks in that little town. My daddy came to the door and I looked at his face and I didn't know him. I asked if he knew where my father lived? He asked who I was and what is your name. I gave him my family name as I remembered it and that man looked at me and then opened the door and asked me to come in because he didn't recognize me. My mother was a total invalid and he took me back to her bed. She didn't know me and I didn't know her but it was wonderful to be home. She was in the hospital for a while and then she passed on.
My father paid all those bills and reimbursed all those ones who had helped me to get home--every one of them.
Now, do you know what God did? I am a nurse and so I went to work in a hospital. One day a woman came into that particular hospital and I was sent into her room to prepare her for the surgical table. I became that woman's special nurse in the hospital and when she went home I went with her to tend her in her home.
That woman, when she was well enough, asked if I would please go to church with her. I lived with her long enough to become her friend. I lived there long enough to read the Bible to her because I was her nurse and I did that which she requested of me. I had never read a Bible in all of my life and she would find the scriptures and then I would read them to her. As I read the word of God, and I could tell which were the true words of God, and it began to reach through and into my heart. Finally she asked me to go to church with her and I went with her. I sat there and heard the gospel for the first time in my life. I had never heard anything like that and it was so beautiful.
All the while she was telling me about God and the Christ and the plan of salvation and how I needed God and I could see how I had been lied to and the hatred I still bore within my heart.
Every night I would settle her comfortably and then I would take that Bible and go into the basement. I would lay that book on a chair and I would challenge God. I would ask if He heard what that preacher said? I would repeat everything that I could remember and I petitioned that if He were God and if He were a real God, I wanted what those people who knew Him, had. But if you are not God, then don't give me anything because I cannot bear any more. I refused to take anything that was not of God because I was too broken to bear it.
I did that for several nights and I couldn't eat, either. I couldn't sleep and I was beginning to fail. But one night I was attending the service and right in the middle of that service I was pulled to my feet and I raised my hands and I ran down that aisle and I fell on that altar and I cried out my heart. God met me there and forgave me of every sin in my life and He allowed me to forgive myself and oh, how I praise Him for it. Praise His wonderful name. God healed me and He took me in. I tell you now, I met the Christ and I met God and I would not give that up for anything in this world that you might have. He is the best friend, the most wonderful thing that I have ever known.
MY BEST FRIEND
I can tell Him anything I want to tell Him and He will listen and He will tell no other of that which I told Him. I can sit at His feet and I can say "Jesus I love you" and tell Him every secret of my heart. I can pour it out to Him and I don't have to worry about Him telling what I told Him. He is the best friend you can ever have. He is able to do anything and all things. He can set you free just by knowing Him.
He gives me the strength to do that which I must do now that I am out of the convent. Pray for me--please pray for me. I will be going places where it will be predominantly Roman Catholic and I'll have to suffer much. But I am willing to do that for Jesus because I know He suffered every pain I bore in that place of hell. I must tell everyone I can and in every place I can about my life and give my testimony. I must do what I can to free those little girls from those awful places of Satan.
* * * * * * * * *
From Revelations: "And I saw the woman drenched with the blood of the saints and with the blood of the martyrs of Jesus. And when I saw her I wondered with great admiration."
WHO WILL COME WITH ME? WHO WILL WALK WITH ME? WHO WILL COME THAT I DO NOT WALK ALONE? PLEASE TAKE MY HAND AND COME WITH ME. I AM SANANDA.